Is It Ever Enough???

It seems like every time I move I find stuff that I hadn't seen, well, since the last time we moved. Which in my case was only about 8 months ago, but still. Moving on. I came across some pictures of me from high school and early college days, and I think...wow! I was CLUELESS! And then I think, MAN! I was SKINNY!! But the sad thing is, at the time I thought I was fat. I obsessed about being one size smaller. About looking like her or her, fitting into that outfit, and worrying about my "huge" thighs and love handles. Quite simply, I'd kill to be in that shape again. No stretch marks, no marred belly-button ring scar, no odd belly flab that insists it deserves to be there, no weird looking skin under my arms that is starting to resemble Grandma Blanche's. Come to think of it, the worst body "defect" I had back then was my armpit stubble that never went away even after a fresh shave. I know, what a hardship.
But I guess it's as they say, It's All Relative.

I have three days left of a Biggest Loser Challenge and I'm holding steady in first place after losing more than 15% of my body weight. But this week, I've done nothing but stress about getting in a SECOND daily workout. It's not enough that I've been doing P90X EVERY day, a program whose mere commercials make some people tired. And I'm eating good food every day, even going to McDonald's and watching everyone else eat burgers and ice cream while I sit there with my dinky chicken nugget kid's meal and apples. But no! I've got to lose more, look better, work out harder, eat less, gotta win! And while some, okay a lot, of the motivation is simply my own competitive nature to beat my XY-chromosomed-cousin (have I mentioned they irk me?). I wonder if/when I see that magic number on the scale that says I'm socially acceptable, will I FEEL satisfied with my own reflection?

I'm gonna say yes to that one. I may feel a tinge of 'no' when I once again look at old high school pictures. But, as they say, it's the journey, not the destination, that counts. Considering what my body has been through in the past four years, I can handle a few battle scars.