Medicated

Yesterday I went to the doctor. My first "annual" checkup in, well, many annuals. (that made sense in my head) Anyway, for my fantastically faithful followers (that alliteration was for you Rob) you're all too familiar with my ADD issues. For those that aren't, just scroll down to my 'Scattered' post. It explains it all. At my checkup yesterday, after covering all the basics, I told my new doctor that I had been diagnosed with Adult ADD. I had seen a psychiatrist and taken the most boorrriiing test known to man. I passed or failed that test miserably, depending on how you look at it.

I took meds for it after I stopped nursing Jace. I was jittery, had headaches and couldn't sleep. After some adjustments, I. Was. UNSTOPABLE! Look out world, I am heading your way! No task was too daunting. Nothing to confusing. I was a list-making fool on a mission. It was exhausting.

Somewhere along the way I stopped taking it. Then got pregnant with Number 2 and nursed for a year, so no meds for Carlton.

Now I'm back. I asked the doctor for a lower dose so there would be fewer side effects...a-ffects? that one always gets me... And after just one day....I can breeeaaath.....aaahhhh....it's like there's suddenly room in my head to think. One. thought. at. a. time. aaaahhhhh. I can ask myself what I need to do today. Well, Carli, you need to do A, B, and C, in that order. Oh my gosh! Is this how easy it is for the rest of the world?!

Now, to someone without ADD, this probably seems pretty ridiculous. Well, I know this seems ridiculous. I'm married to that someone. And not only does he NOT have ADD, he is Mr. Organization/Proficiency, er, OCD, if you will. There's not much he does in a day that doesn't have a purpose or accomplish a goal. It's extremely frustrating for him when I forget things, misplace things, or don't get my To Do list completed in a day. And it's extremely frustrating for me that he remembers everything, misplaces nothing, and can pretty much conquer the world in one afternoon.

After seven years of marriage, we have finally acknowledged the source of our (occasional) discord. So when I told him I was going to get "crazy" pills, he was pretty excited. In the days leading up to my appointment, if something was forgotten, he'd say, "Four more days...just four more days." To which I lovingly, eloquently replied, "Screw you."

We can joke about it now. We are learning to meet in the middle. For seven years we've been on opposite ends of the spectrum and we are finally starting to see some common ground. Him letting a few things go and me stepping up my game. But of course we realize this won't be a fix all. I'm not completely magically cured and he's not miraculously relaxed.

More than anything, I'm elated for myself! I feel in control for the first time a looong time. Just a word to anyone who feels like this might be you or to anyone who has someone in their life with ADD, EMBRACE THE MEDS. Behavior modification is a must, but, ohhh, medication is LIBERATING!

Author's Note: I wrote this mooonths ago. Don't know why I never published it. Maybe I forgot my meds that day.