Wednesday, June 15, 2011

I'm just....mad.

I was an angry child. I don't know why. I had great parents, great family, a stable home, plenty to eat, presents for every birthday and Christmas, cartoons on Saturday...but I was still angry. Sure, I had a brother that LOVED to call me bubble-butt (a name not totally undeserved). And I had a sister that NEVER let me touch her things. And I lost my mom. But really, I don't know what constituted my anger.

Today, I still have angry days and I still don't know why. Today, I'm just mad for some reason. I've got a few to-do's lingering over my head with a deadline quickly approaching and that situation always gets me frazzled. But what the french, toast? I walk to the fridge and I'm mad that I can't eat anything in it. Then I'm mad that I eat it anyway. Then I sit down at the computer and my tasks don't go as planned so I'm mad about that. I look in the mirror and don't like the reflection so I'm mad at the mirror. Then Jace wants juice and that makes me mad. Wait...I'm mad at Jace for wanting juice?!
I stop. I need to write. I need to write quickly. Get this anger in check.
"What's going on, Carl?" (this is Self talking)
"Oh, I don't know self. Just pissed today." (me. You get the idea)
"Well, snap out of it! You've got some pretty darn good kids counting on you to be their happy mommy and you're pretty much dropping the ball today."
"I know, I know! I need to change my 'tude! But I can't get out of this funk. What should I do."
"Darn it, Private just do what you gotta do!" (Self has morphed into one of my old drill sergeants now. sheesh.) "As your Meenie would sing, 'Count your blessings...Name them one by one.'"
"You're right."
"I'm always right." (kind of a know-it-all sometimes, isn't she?)
"Okay, okay... 1. Kids, two of them, nuff said. (melting, the anger is melting already) 2. The ability to do said 'to-do's'. 3. Beautiful day today (drip, drip, drip.) 4. I'm not working (major buttah) 5. Kids. 6. Jace. 7. Mia. 8. Hubby (whose not a kid) (it's going...going.....GONE) Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh"
"There, now isn't that better?"
Yes, much better.

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