I've been pinned. No, not the 50's style letterman pin. My blog has been repinned on Pinterest. I can't believe it. Someone other than my friends and family is being subjected to my ramblings. This is the best. day. EVER! Okay, maybe not THE best, but still pretty rad.
The pressure is on, I suppose, to add an entry since I haven't written squat in the last several months. As I've said before, I never sit down and then decide what to write. Usually something hits me during the day and I just have to get it down on virtual paper or else I will die! But today I'm writing out of sheer duty to my lone new reader. So that begs the question: What the french toast am I going to write about?
How about this: Am I alone in wishing I were one of those women who can say no to a cookie/cake/entire box of Little Debbies and not even bat an eye? I look around at all these skinny girls and think, 'Man, they've really got themselves together. They must shop at Whole Foods, boycott anything processed, find any excuse to exercise, and never crave a diet coke. You know, 'cause why else would they look like that?' Someone please tell me that they have a war going inside their head every time someone offers them a piece of candy just like we chubby girls do. SOMEone tell me the thought of waking up at 5 am to exercise fills their heads with dread. SOMEONE friggin' assure me that they hate tofu and green tea just as much as I do and that they eat it while smiling just to create this facade that they are Super Women but in secret they are loathing every gritty/bland second of it! SOMEONE TELL ME THIS RIGHT NOW!!!
[deep breaths, deep breaths, in through my nose, out through my mouth...phoooo]
Okay, I'm better...I'm calm. Really. It's just that I keep waiting for the day that this health crap comes naturally to me, that I will want to eat fish instead of chicken fried steak, and that when the stand-off between TV and running comes, running will always win. I know that's not realistic, but the idea that this will be my constant struggle for the rest of my life just, well, makes me tired.
I've set a goal, though, because I know that's what you're supposed to do. I'm running a 5k mud run in May called The Dirty 30. Ran it last year, I kind of sucked at it, had people on the ground pushing my fat rear up and over the rope wall. Seriously I had about five strangers' hands on my ass all at the same time yelling, "Push!" Nice. I have higher hopes for this year. I'm going to actually train this time around (gasp! What a concept!) and I found this fun website called BodyRock that has lots of videos and tutorials. I've got 8 weeks to train. Now, I've lost 25 lbs in 8 wks before....and gained back all but five. But this time around, I'm not gearing for weight loss. Just fitness. The scale pisses me off and every time I have a bad week I give up. So my goal? To feel good again, to fit into my pre-baby clothes, and to not require a bathing suit with a skirt/mumu.
While Pinning away this morning, I found a motivational poster that woke me up and summed up my entire frustration. It said, "This is your life. Are you who you want to be." If the answer is 'no', my friend, what do you need to do? And I'm not just talking about fitting into skinny jeans. Do you need to go to church? Do you want to be a better wife/mom? Do you feel like there's more out there for you than what you're doing right now? Do it! Today's the day! Whatever it is, change it and move on! I am and I'm going to be happy to say, "This is me, now."